Comments on: Has anyone ever taken back a cheating spouse and had it work out?

By: Life of Adventure

Life of Adventure — Sun, 28 Mar 2010 11:44:39 +0000

18 years ago, I came home from war to have my wife confess that while I was deployed, she had cheated on me. It was a shock, but there were some mitigating circumstances, and besides which, I could understand perfectly how 7 months apart and not knowing if I would come home alive or whole had stressed her. We talked a lot about why she had done it, and what she had gained (and lost) in doing it, and then I forgave her. 18 years later, and we are still together, still very happy, and we have five terrific kids, one of whom, in fact, is currently deployed.

Because of that long talk, I never stopped trusting her. I could see how she felt and what had driven her to seek human comfort. I could see, too, how my own actions had helped set the stage. I trust her completely, and that trust is one of the hallmarks of our marriage. I never wonder if she’s cheating. She wouldn’t. The same set of stresses and the same situations do not apply. If anything, knowing that she had strayed and would confess to me and wanted me to take her back was something which strengthened our relationship. Knowing how good something is after almost losing it is a powerful thing. Our marriage DID change that day, and has never been the same, but I really think the changes have been for the better, and our relationship is deeper and stronger now than it was before.

By: Cruelty Free Pest Control

Cruelty Free Pest Control — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 05:40:46 +0000

i took my first husband back many times, but he kept cheating on me, when my second husband did it, i filed for divorce asap. just didn’t want to go through the pain of betrayal anymore. u will always wonder what he is doing every time he is late coming home, or has to work over time, u can never be sure once they cheat on u. and no u never love them like u did when u married them, because always in the back of the mind there it is, distrust, and its hard to get past it. unless u get amnesia that is.

By: Cheating Boyfriends

Cheating Boyfriends — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 18:18:31 +0000

I agree with Sasha’s Mommy. You can learn to trust a spouse who has cheated. Yes, it does take time, a LOT of time but if both partners are willing to work on it then it can work. A few very important things to keep in mind. 1. the cheating spouse must find out the WHY of their affair. 2. the cheating spouse must be willing to be the open book and allow their spouse to check anything and everything and 3. they must answer any and all questions honestly and with no attitude. After all, the cheating spouse had the choice to have the affair or not and they chose to, therefore they have *no* right to act like a victim in all this. They were the one who victimized thier partner and completely drained thier trust account well into the negative. But if they’re an open book to their spouse, slowly but surely their trust balance will climb into the positive.

By: Palm Pre

Palm Pre — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 01:26:23 +0000

I did, but my expected life span has been greatly reduced due to my medical condition. I’m enjoying myself too much to worry about what she is doing. Plus, I think she learned her lesson that she decided to marry me for a reason and the jerk she hooked up with was just a shallow fancy. When she had to handle her own debt and bills the guy she was with couldn’t run away fast enough. Life is great when someone else is pay the bills. I let her have her year away and she grew a lot, because I didn’t let her stick me with her debt. We divided everything fairly and she was forced to make ends meet on her own. i don’t hold that time against her because i kept myself entertain with a few lovely friends. I don’t love her like I used too. Actually, its nothing like I used too. I am the center to my world and I’m willing to let her tag along. My ride will be over soon enough, so there is no point in pointing fingers. I’m going to do what I think is right, like I have always done. I have chosen who I share my life with and who to keep out of it. If she every chooses to leave again that is her choice, but I will not live my life in fear of that choice.

By: International Dating

International Dating — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 11:22:14 +0000

It’s very rare that it works out. I tried to with my ex and I couldn’t find it in my heart to let it go. I found out he cheated more then once when I divorced him. If you want to work it out, try counseling. There’s no general timeframe for forgiveness and trusting again. And love will either be stronger or generally fade depending on how bad the couple wants it back.

By: How to get rid of Man Boobs

How to get rid of Man Boobs — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 04:37:22 +0000

Yes, my husband and I are still together after his affair in 2006. I have no regrets about working it out. My love for him never changed. It was the trust that was so difficult to get back. For the most part, I do trust him now, but it took over a year for me to not check his e-mail and phone records on a regular basis or to feel comfortable with him even going to the store without me. While I don’t “check up on him” regularly these days, every once in a while, I still do it. Just to reassure myself that I’m not playing the fool again. The nagging doubt still surfaces occasionally, even though my husband has given me no reason to believe he’s been unfaithful again.

I won’t lie to you. It’s hard and takes alot of time and effort on both parts to get over a betrayal. And if both parties aren’t serious and dedicated to making the marriage work, it won’t. The cheater has to be willing to allow his/her life to be an open book……..pretty much forever. Any hint of needing privacy will start the doubts and wondering full force all over again.

But when both parties are willing to do whatever it takes to work it out, it can be done. I have no regrets about choosing to stay with my husband. It’s what was best for us. Each individual has to decide for themselves what’s best for them.

By: How to get rid of Man Boobs

How to get rid of Man Boobs — Sat, 20 Mar 2010 03:28:38 +0000

Im currenty separated from my husband because he claims he cheated on me but now he denies. As much as I love him, I always wonder if I did take him back, what kind of relationship be if as much as you want to admit that you forgive him, you will never trust him again. Its going to be that much harder to be wit him. You cant even enjoy being married when your constantly going to be stressing over “is he doing something with someone”….
But its a tough choice. And it sucks… As much as you want it to go back to the way it was, its almost impossible….

By: The Life of Adventure

The Life of Adventure — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 15:50:15 +0000

I have and no you never love them the same. And honestly they won’t love you the same either. The trust and respect is lost. You no longer trust them because they’ve betrayed your trust. They no longer respect you because you’ve allowed them to overstep a serious boundary and taking them back no matter what you say makes it seem like it’s ok to them.

By: The Life of Adventure

The Life of Adventure — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 15:15:04 +0000

I think it all depends on the situation.
Habitual cheating for years or just a one time thing?
Cheating over and over with different people or one person?

I think if it were a one time thing I might be open to forgiveness than if my husband was lying to me for months/years. It would be hard to trust after listening to years of lies vs a one time thing.

By: Cheating Wifes

Cheating Wifes — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 08:36:49 +0000

Yea Its hard tho… if you take them back you have to forgive them and not fight about it because you have taken him/her back I say dont take him/her back right away give yourself time to heal